REJECTED

I knew this day would come. I knew it. Mom can't ALWAYS be the most important person. I have tried to prepare myself for this day, but geez. He just turned 5. Five. That is it. Five years old... and he rejected me. Not for Dad. This has already happened and is sometimes a blessing when I'm exhausted.... He rejected me for his friends.

I went to Holy Souls Wednesday morning for his Easter Egg Hunt/ Easter Lunch. I got there early because I had signed up to help walk the class down the street to the neighborhood park. Grayson was excited to see me. He always runs up to the classroom door to open it. (The doors are locked from the outside and open to the parking lot so he always sees me coming. When we walked to the park he stayed by me and we walked there talking to his little buddies. He easily put himself in line on the curb with the rest of his class. This in itself is a big step for Grayson over the last year. In the past he would have clung to me and not wanted to go sit there unless I went with him. Grayson ran away as fast as his new shoes would take him (remember, the new ones are always faster than the old ones he tells me) and quickly found his 12 eggs he was allowed. Then he joined the other kids on the playground. He would yell for me to watch him on the slide or to watch him slide down the fireman-like pole. It was pretty fun to watch them... and to save the ones that climbed a little too high and were stranded.

What Grayson may have forgotten, was that now I have seen him use the fireman's pole. He can longer pretend like he can't do this and ask for help. Based on his performance, I am convinced that he has been able to do this for a while, but was pretending like he couldn't so that he could get some attention.

After about an hour, it was time to line up to go back to school. He got in line and walked beside me for about 1/4 of the way there. He even held my hand for about 200 feet. Then he lets go. "Mom, I don't want to hold your hand anymore" And then.... he ran ahead. Just left me. I think had another mom not been walking next to me and talking, I might have been so stunned that I would have stopped walking all together. The only time I got close to him again before we got back was when his small group had gotten far enough behind from the teacher and a couple other kids that I had to run ahead to keep them from crossing the street without looking. (Which of course there was a truck coming so my heart was racing a bit).

After we got back to class it was lunchtime. They had planned to eat at the park, but it was pretty chilly so they decided to go back to the classroom. I parked myself at Grayson's table and helped all the kids at the table get their lunches opened and assembled. This also gave me an opportunity to scope out what the other kids bring. I'm not very creative with making lunches so Grayson gets Lunchables a lot. I always wanted Lunchables when I was growing up, but they were too expensive. Grayson definitely has a luxury with this. He just doesn't know it. I do occasionally try to change up his lunch so it is healthier, but it often comes home nearly as full as it left. I have decided that I will just keep sending a healthy side (fruit, etc) with his Lunchable for now :-)  After several minutes it was just me and one other dad left with the eating kids. I was in no hurry since it was my off day for work. Then it happened again.

Grayson: " Mom, you can go now"
Me: "Um, okay then. Love you. Have a fun afternoon!"

So I kissed his head (luckily he isn't too big for a hug and small kiss yet, but I'm sure it's next) and left. Then I immediately called Dusty to tell him I was rejected. I was joking about it and proud that he was growing up enough to not need me all the time.... but I think there was just that one little piece of my heart that broke. I'm sure that won't be a first either.