Friday, February 26, 2016

"Mom, can I have your Diamonds?"

What do ball sacks, boobs, marriage, and football have in common? All of them are hot topics at our house.... and it's not my husband talking. Just our boys.

Did you just fall out of your chair? Me too. Well actually I fall out of mine every time they ask another question, or sometimes before they even speak. I'm never sure whether I want to laugh, cry, or stop breathing when they open their mouths these days.

ON MARRIAGE:

Braxton with all of his 5 years of wisdom has decided that marriage is just not for him. (Sorry girls, pick a new boy.) You may have heard me mention that he doesn't want to have to move to someone else's house so he would rather just stay with me. Well, his thoughts have continued and he has furthered his decisions based upon them. True Story:

Brax: "I'm not going to get married. It takes too long to stay married."
Grayson: "You have to get married. That is what grown ups do."
Brax: "Well I am not going to get married. I want to be a football player instead" (This indicates that he has decided that marriage is a job - he is already enlightened - and he only wants one job)
Grayson: "Braxton you have to marry a girl."
Brax: "No I don't. I'm going to be a football player, live with mom for a while, and then come live at your house with you and your girl you marry."
Mom: "Brax, you can be a football player and get married. Lots of girls like football players"
Brax (With Sigh): "Yeah, I know. I like the Cheerleaders." 

WTH? Where did he learn about cheerleaders?!? And noticing them? I'm not ready for him to grow up and notice girls!!

ON BOOBS: 

Braxton also recently asked "What are those things on your chest?" (Geez. Why do they always ask mom about anatomy) Boobs Braxton. They are boobs. This conversation led to further discussion about boobs, who gets boobs, when they get boobs, why do they get boobs...can all girls feed babies with their boobs, do they always have milk in them, and can Adelyn still get milk from you when she is thirsty? *Reminder to not have discussions about anatomy with Braxton while Grayson is around to further the discussion* Braxton walked in my bathroom while I was changing a couple days later. I had on my bra... but all he could do was let out an innocent giggle and say "Boobs". Then he ran out. 

ON BALL SACKS:

This is all Grayson...and his friend Will. God love him, he is a great kid. He is also very knowledgeable. I can't fault his parents for not making sure he is aware of the world around him. So we are on our way after school to Target and Gray chimes in.

G:"Mom, what is a ball sack?"
Mom: "Um. It's part of what makes you a boy, but a slang term for it. What were you thinking that made you ask that?"
G: "Will told me that you can cut off a cow's ball sack and it won't die. Then you can boil the balls and eat them"
**Nearly choked on my own spit**

So that led to a discussion about how Will is technically correct and what is actually in the quote - ball sack-. And that as a general rule most people do not eat these. Luckily he has yet to ask further purpose of this anatomy past my usual answer of "they are part of what makes you a boy". Although I am sure it is coming soon. I've also been getting quizzed on how boys can turn into girls and girls into boys. He informed me that a classmate knows someone who has had this happen to them. I'm guessing we are talking gender reassignment but I am not entirely sure how to explain this without confusion to a 7 year old.


ON DIAMONDS:
I've read that Minecraft can actually be good for some coordination and thinking skills. Both my boys have had spiked interest in rocks and crystals with playing this game. Braxton noticed my wedding ring the other day and asked where on earth I got diamonds. When I told him they were from his dad I am certain that his deep brown eyes sparkled a little. A couple days later he asks if he can have my diamonds when I die. 
Wait. Did my 5 year old just ask that? Better get my will updated and very detailed to prevent sibling rivalry after the fact. 
I told Braxton that I didn't plan on dying any time soon. His response.... "Weeellll, someone MIGHT kill you. Then can I have them?" 

*Prime Suspect if I disappear*

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